Adventures in Knee replacements

Captain's blog, star date 2012, oh wait, that's now. Long time no log. Should be years into the future. As fast as this year has flown by, it will be yesterday before tomorrow gets here. News: bi-lateral knee replacement. Coming to a hospital near you on June 7th!!! When one is growing up, one thinks that the equipment lasts forever. Not so. I had figured it out about teeth. Mine have been parchment ever since I can remember. I knew I'd spend my adult life getting teeth fixed after that first crown broke. (I'm in the wrong profession. No, not really. I couldn't stand putting my fingers in someone else's mouth. Ew.) Back to the subject at hand. This has come about in the last four years. When hubby blew out his knee on some stairs, mine were fine. As I was taking care of him in his hip-to-toe cast back in '08, I remember having a pain in my left knee. Thinking it was sympathy pains, I dismissed it and certainly didn't want to bring it up to hubby who sat there in a cast. Nevertheless, it continued to have some pain. After about a year, I finally went to the orthopedic surgeon. Cortisone shot in the knee. Now THAT is fun! About 9 months or so later, went back as the pain was kicking in even harder. Got another shot and a lecture on weight. I know, I know. The frame was not built for this type of tonnage. [Don't you just want to slap people that tell you that you need to lose weight AS IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW?!! I have yet to come up with the perfect sarcastic reply when that happens, but I'm working on it. Feel free to make suggestions. "Why no, I like to buy XXL T-shirts. They are more roomy." "I rather enjoy tight pants, makes me feel sexy." "I just love wearing Granny Panties. Makes me feel so mature". Et al. So, after about another year, it was time to go back. By this time, we were seeing yet the 3rd doctor in the practice and his opinion was the same as the others. Let's try another cortisone shot, and let's fit you with a brace to re-align your bones so that it takes pressure off the part with no cartilage. Sure. I'd met my deductible, so let's go all Forrest Gump. Got mine in a pretty purple. Sure made the sympathy come out from by-standers. Felt better about using that handicapped parking space wearing that thing. Well, after about 6 months of wearing it, sure enough, it did help my muscles fight back and the pain subsided somewhat. I even tried wearing it at the beach, but sand under that thing made more problems than it was worth. Read a few books on that trip. Time passes and sometime last year, the right knee wanted in on the action. Here we go again. Even tried "rooster comb" injections. Yeah, don't know the proper name. I knew that didn't work when I felt the urge to chase chickens. February, 2012. Go to see a specialist in Chattanooga and he agrees that new knees are the order of business. Both of them. Not a nickel's difference in the way they look or feel now. I have to say, I was hoping to wait until 2013 to do all this, partly because I didn't want to have to go through it and then the world ends in December. On the other hand, what if I had to run to escape disaster? I couldn't do it on the old knees. So, here we go. I've gotten my head around it mostly. I hate surprises. I'm going to grill the two people I know that have had this done and find out specifics. If I know what's coming, I can prepare for it. If not, it messes with my mind. Like the time I was going in to deliver my first child, having been through Lamaze classes and thinking I knew everything that was about to happen. Here comes the nurse with an enema! A what? Why? Blew me away. Someone forgot to tell me that I was to be violated as well as all the other procedures that would come my way. Looking back, how lame that looks. Dang, I was supposed to give 2 pints of blood for THIS adventure. My sweet hubby gave instead of me. I went for the pre-op on Friday. A little scary. Still trying to be the brave, prepare patient. My BP gave my real state of mind away. 160/64. When I walk into a health care facility, the heebie jeebies start running. So, after a chest x-ray, MERSA swab, peeing in a cup, and 4 vials of blood, I was left to ponder the REAL procedures. I have about a week to conquer that. Working on it.