Running

I knew it, but didn’t think I needed to remind myself. Running. It’s not just for the young, the healthy, the yuppie with nothing to do, it’s for old people in an emergency. However, I do admit and follow the policy that “I’m too old for this”….regarding running. I have always maintained that I would not run unless something foreboding was chasing me or a loved one was in danger. Add to this list: runaway tires. Yes, Mr. Michelin.
[Stop reading and go to the bathroom now, because this may cause you to laugh uncontrollably and you might have an accident. You have been warned.]
My next door neighbor is having a yard sale today. We live on a highly traveled, main artery-type street, where business is usually good. I have these three, odd tires that I’ve been trying to sell via my neighborhood recycle network and word of mouth, but no takers. I thought I’d mosey over and ask her if I could slide those in perhaps to make a sale and get rid of them myself. Neighbor wasn’t outside, but two friends were, and they said that my neighbor was just letting them do the sale in her yard, and that she wouldn’t mind at all.
I go over to where these three tires are stacked up. Pulling the first one off the top, I noticed that it had been rained on and water had collected. Yuk, “Though I. I will plop this down and let the water splash out so it won’t slosh out while rolling it over.” So, I hoisted it up and rolled it over a little to a space off the driveway to plop it down. It didn’t plop. It rolled, and rolled, and rolled….getting faster and faster to the point I was chasing it down the driveway yelling, “Stop, stop!!!” …as if a tire will hear or respond to my calls. At that point, it bounced over into the grass and a thought of hope sprang from my winded chest. Yes, I WAS CHASING the stupid thing down the driveway. I would have gladly just stood and watched, but it was about to go into that busy street I mentioned previously. Lots of crashes happen on this street, and I can see myself being sued by a driver who was hit by a runaway tire and swerved into another car, causing a chain reaction crash and disrupting the church service happening across the road.
Well, as I check out the approaching traffic, to my left I see a little silver something-or-other speeding down the street. I think I was yelling, “Stop” to him, too. To my right, a small pick-up truck had obviously seen this tirade (!) and had stopped, waiting on the runaway Michelin to cross. I could see his teeth, meaning that he was either smiling politely or laughing his head off. Fortunately, the tire missed the little silver car and went straight across the road in front of the pick-up, hitting the curb and stopping to rest. (I know I was out of breath by this time!). The kindly man motioned me across (while laughing out loud) and I rescued the tire which now lay propped up in the gutter of the street, out of harm’s way.
The lady doing the yard sale (a good ten years younger than myself) is coming over to assist in the rescue. She crosses the street, then PICKS UP the tire amidst my protest that “I can get that!” Well, obviously I proved that I couldn’t! She carries it back up the hill into my neighbor’s yard to the ‘merchandise’ section, where she plops it down and that nasty water splashes out, getting on her. See? That was the whole point of this charade! Got that nasty water out. Well whatever. I told her that I’d just scoot the other two out into the sunlight and if someone was interested, send them over to my driveway. I was not about to do a re-take on the previous scene.
The other lady who was younger but larger than myself said, “I must confess….we were sitting here laughing!” Well good for you. I probably would have laughed myself if I had witnessed such a scene. So I tread home breathless (remember….I do NOT run) and walk into my house somewhat humiliated and breathless. I sat down in front of the computer and felt my pocket….MY CELL PHONE IS GONE! Good Lord! It must have fallen out during that Olympic tire run. So here I go, back out the door, over to the neighbor’s where the lady and myself start re-tracing our steps to find My Precious. Nowhere to be seen. She starts calling my number, and after a thorough outdoor search, I decide I’d go BACK in and look one more time in the house. I retrace my steps, and what do I find next to the computer? Yes, My Precious. So I pick it up, dial the missed call, which was my new BFF, and said when she answered, “This is the crazy neighbor lady. I found my phone.” She was laughing, and couldn’t stop. Fine. Glad you had your chuckle for the day. After all, that’s my purpose in life to bring laughter to others. Think of all those lives I’ve touched today. I will now go look for myself on YouTube. I’m SURE somebody must have gotten that!